A humor column I wrote for San Diego State University's Daily Aztec newspaper... in a galaxy far, far away.

BACKPACK THEFT PAYS OFF DOWN THE ROAD

by Richard Graham

Last Thursday night (after an especially grueling History of British Literature class) I stopped in at Monty’s Den with Terry Shields, the ex-A.S. presidential candidate, and Terry Wells, a city editor for the Daily Aztec, in order to imbibe some of the fine atmosphere of Henry’s Place.

Unfortunately, the heady atmosphere must have been a little too intoxicating, for when I poured myself out the revolving doors of that fine establishment, I neglected to take my backpack with me. Upon returning to search for it the next day, I was surprised and distressed to find that Monty’s revolving doors had been changed to the hinged variety and that my backpack had not been turned in. After a week of fruitless visits to the campus police, Monty’s and the lost and found, I had given up all but a sliver of hope for its recovery.

Like a modern Sherlock Holmes, I have narrowed the list of possible suspects and have come up with a composite description of my backpack kleptomaniac. He (a true chauvinist, I can’t believe a woman would steal my belongings, except, perhaps, my heart) is short, eats carrots or other such vitamin-D-filled vegetables, and has impeccable taste in backpacks. I say he is short because my backpack was left on the floor and would have been difficult for a tall man to see to steal; eats carrots because even a short man would need excellent eyesight to pick out my green backpack in the darkness of Monty’s Den; and has impeccable taste in backpacks because, after all, it was my backpack.

***

If you'd like to read the rest of this article, please post a comment and I'll be happy to e-mail it to you.

Sincerely,

Richard Graham

My article on New Mexico's Mt. Taylor Winter Quadrathlon in a 1989 issue of Triathlete magazine.

KEEPING THE DREAM ALIVE
The Mt. Taylor Winter Quadrathlon in Grants, New Mexico.

by Richard Graham

“Keep your shoulder to the wheel and your eyes to the stars.” -- Race director Abe Pena, in letter sent to event participants.

Route 66 cuts through the heart of Grants, New Mexico, past boarded-up houses, stores and motels that attest to the town’s current tough economic times. With a population of just 8,700, it’s difficult to believe that up until seven or eight years ago, Grants was a booming uranium-mining town.

Paddy Martinez, an Indian laborer and part-time prospector, discovered uranium near Grants in 1950. The ensuing mining rush almost doubled Grants’ population, to 15,000 residents. Many of the miners had to sleep in pick-up truck camper shells set on blocks at the side of the highway when the influx of workers caught the town short of motel and hotel rooms. But by 1982, it became cheaper to import uranium from foreign countries, and the town came upon hard times.

Grants needed a way to get back on its feet economically. In 1984, Klaus Weber, ski team coach for the University of New Mexico, came up with the idea for a “quadrathlon,” a winter event featuring four events--cycling, running, skiing and snowshoeing. Weber dreamed up the race to promote nearby Mount Taylor as a winter ski area. Snow capped and occasionally cloud-shrouded, the mountain is an extinct volcano just northeast of Grants, an hour’s drive west of Albuquerque. The highest peak in the western part of the state at 11,301 feet, Mount Taylor is considered a sacred place by Navajo Indians.

***

If you'd like to read the rest of this article, please post a comment and I'll be happy to e-mail it to you.

Sincerely,

Richard Graham

Freelance article in May 2006 issue of USA Hockey Magazine

CATCH A WAVE

California Wave Bantam Team’s Run at Nationals the Focus of Upcoming Hockey Documentary

By Richard Graham

If Wayne Radvjee doesn’t make it as a hockey player, he can always fall back on a career as a filmmaker. He’s off to a good start already.

Radvjee was given a small video camera to turn on his California Wave teammates to help “capture the spirit of the thing” as part of a documentary chronicling the Bantam team’s march to the USA Hockey Tier I 14 & Under National Championships in Bensenville, Ill. He may need to readjust his focus just a bit.

“He walked around doing stupid things, like filming girls and stuff,” said Matt Leitner, who along with his teammates called Radvjee’s new toy the “Wayne Cam.”

It was all part of a project created by Matt Gannon, a Los Angeles-based film producer/director, and his Stickmen Pictures crew, to explore the hard work and year-round dedication that these California-based players devote to ice hockey, and the importance the game plays in their young lives.

If you're interested in reading the entire article, here it is:

http://www.usahockeymagazine.com/story.php?left_nav=0605&article=waveDocu&right_nav=normal

Sincerely,

Richard Graham

Head Games, article in March 2005 issue of Iron Horse Magazine

HEAD GAMES
Fighting Nevada’s motorcycle-helmet law… with the law.

by Richard Graham

Kate Wells has a vision of the future, and it’s not pretty.

Wells, an attorney from Santa Cruz, California, represents Steve Bianco and Richard Quigley, two California members of the group Bikers of Lesser Tolerance who are suing to overturn Nevada’s motorcycle helmet law. The lawsuit, originally filed last April in U.S. District Court in Southern California, was transferred four months later to U.S. District Court in Las Vegas, and it names the Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department as the main defendant. Bianco and Quigley argue that the law is too unconstitutionally vague for anyone to comply with, and Wells concurs.

“The best argument to stop these laws is the ‘slippery slope’ argument,” Wells said. “If we allow the government to come in and force us to wear a helmet on a motorcycle because we might become a vegetable and become a burden on society, then what happens next? The government works in incremental ways to take away our rights. First it’s bikers. Then it’s the homeless and abortion protestors. Next it’s the antiwar protestors. They pass the law against an unpopular group and then they apply it to everyone else. One day, the food cops will sift through your groceries and say you can’t have those Twinkies because of heart disease.”

Outrageous hyperbole, right? Actually, no.

***

If you're interested in reading the entire article, please leave a message in the comments section, and I'll be happy to e-mail it to you.

Sincerely,

Richard Graham